Oh that god’s damned needle,
Again.
My body internally convulses,
Shudders
At the sight of it.
My frail arms,
Ones that have been stabbed through
Over and over and over again,
Are lifted up,
Once more.
My veins lay so thin and throbbing
Through my stretched skin,
Giving the white coats the perfect chance
To inject me again.
Purple, gnarled bruises swell
From my abused muscles,
But it's either “Get the shot and abide,”
Or “See you on the other side.”
The needle retracts
And my arms relaxes against the
Cotton sheets I have been
Lain across for days now.
My eyes droop,
They seem to do that a lot these days,
And with them comes the lull of exhaustion.
And oh,
What I’d give to be able to sleep at my will
In peaceful slumber.
But the beeping machines and the constant
Pain,
Make me beg for the sleep that never seems to come.
The mask on me is the reason my lungs breathe,
But they are also the reason I feel so suffocated.
So trapped.
The oxygen satiates my clenching heart,
But it feels like the rest of me is too far off gone,
Too tired,
To play this game of life.
The faces become more faded day by day,
But their smiles are painfully still stuck in my
Foggy brain.
My home,
Not 4 walls and a ratty old ceiling fan,
But my family.
My friends.
Each day, the desire to surrender myself
To the looming darkness grows with passion,
But the memories
Of me laughing with them,
Playing with them,
Praying with them,
Push me to resist.
Push me to fight.
Push me to care about my life
Because I finally realize that if I
Let go,
If I give up,
My punishment will be watching their pain
And their tear streaked cheeks, from above.
So for them,
And for the happiness I want to feel
Bubbling in my now empty chest,
I will get on my own two feet again,
And win the gamble with Death
Because I want to live.
I need to Live.
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