Red Carpet Actress ©

A soft frown pulls at my lips, 

Laying across my overly caked up skin. 

The flat, dying pool of obsidian 

That I call my eyes curdle with disappointment. 

For a second, 

A flicker of emotion pass through them, 

Resentment? 

Pain? 

Guilt? 

But before I could waste time analyzing it, 

The heavy wall of emptiness falls in place, 

A dam, 

Successfully blocking the flood of emotions that 

Start to filter in from god knows where. 

Heavy earrings weigh down my ears 

And an ostentatious necklace mirroring 

The same hue of the blood pumping through 

My choked veins 

Rests against my taut throat. 

The voice in my head, 

The one that never fails to leave, 

Claws in again to taunt me.

It’s time. 

The invisible curtain lifts and the 

Blinding spotlight centers me. 

My turned down lips flip up, 

A picture perfect smile gracing my face. 

I straighten my dress and stand tall,

Walking away from the mirror 

With a confidence and elegance 

I most certainly do not believe. 

But humans are gullible, 

Feed them enough lies and 

They’ll gobble it up ever so greedily

To a point where they’re drugged on it, 

Expecting more time after time. 

Unhealthy? 

Yes. 

But my selfishness overpowers any morality 

As the need for their approval 

And smiles, regardless of their falsity 

Becomes an addiction. 

I shove my anxieties in the deepest pits of my soul,

And a gilded lilt enters my conversations,

Sweetness oozing from every word. 

I flit from crowd to crowd, 

A sway to my movements 

That deceives even the best con artists. 

A little wave here and a 

Peppy “hello” there 

And I’m set. 

I bask in the acceptance, 

The pain of the act becoming 

Mere collateral damage. 

The same grating voice reminds me that 

The mirror I face everyday is the only thing

That sees me, 

Knows me, 

Acknowledges me, 

The real me, 

But then again, 

Beggars can’t be choosers can they? 

With that thought I saunter further into the lion's den, 

Playing an intricate game of poker with my sanity.